Showoff Pallbearer Carries Casket By Himself

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of "skeleton people"—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago.

"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

"The implications are staggering," Hutchins continued. "We now know that the skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere products of the imagination, but actually lived on Earth."

Standing at the excavation site, a 20-by-20-foot square pit along the Nile River, Hutchins noted key elements of the find. "The skeletons lived in this mud-brick structure, which, based on what we know of these people, was probably haunted," he said. "Although we found crude cooking utensils in the area, as well as evidence of crafts like pottery and weaving, we are inclined to believe that the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at nearby humans and scaring them. And though we know little of their language and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a lot."

Approximately 200 yards west of the excavation site, the archaeologists also found evidence of farming.

"What's puzzling about this," Cambridge University archaeologist Sir Ian Edmund-White said, "is that skeletons would not benefit from harvested crops, as any food taken orally would immediately fall through the hole behind the jaw and down through the rib cage, eventually hitting the ground. Our best guess is that they scared away a group of human farmers, then remained behind to haunt the dwelling. Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and tattered, dirty clothing."

Continued Edmund-White: "The hole in that theory, however, is that a 1997 excavation of this area which yielded extensive records of local clans and merchants made no mention of even one animated mass of bones coming to town for the purpose of trade. But we are taking great pains to recover as much of the site as possible, while also being extremely careful not to fall victim to some kind of spooky skeleton curse."

As for what led to the extinction of the skeletons, Edmund-White offered a theory.

"Perhaps an Egyptian priest or king broke the curse of the skeletons, either by defeating the head skeleton in combat or by discovering the magic words needed to send their spirits back to Hell," Edmund-White said. "In any case, there is strong evidence that the Power of Greyskull played a significant role in the defeat of the skeleton people."

According to Hutchins, the skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans, leading him to suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the two species.

"Like humans, these creatures walked upright on two legs and possessed highly developed opposable thumbs," Edmund-White said. "These and many other similarities lend credence to the theory that hundreds of thousands of years ago, human development passed through a skeletal stage. These skeletons may, in fact, be ancestors of us all."

"Any of us could be part skeleton," he added.

Other experts disagreed.

"The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse at best," said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago. "Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow."

Two Poems

“I stand for a kind of poetry that the everyday person can understand,” he said. “My job as a poet is to make something special of the everyday world.”
-- Ted Kooser

Grasshoppers

This year they are exactly the size
of the pencil stub my grandfather kept
to mark off the days since rain,

and precisely the color of dust, of the roads
leading back across the dying fields
into the '30s. Walking the cracked lane

past the empty barn, the empty silo,
you hear them tinkering with irony,
slapping the grass like drops of rain.

From Delights and Shadows (2005 Pulitzer Prize Winner for Poetry)
------

The Rain Stick

Upend the rain stick and what happens next
Is a music that you never would have known
To listen for. In a cactus stalk

Downpour, sluice-rush, spillage and backwash
Come flowing through. You stand there like a pipe
Being played by water, you shake it again lightly

And diminuendo runs through all its scales
Like a gutter stopping trickling. And now here comes
A sprinkle of drops out of the freshened leaves,

Then subtle little wets off grass and daisies;
Then glitter drizzle, almost-breaths of air.
Upend the stick again. What happens next

Is undiminished for having happened once,
Twice, ten, a thousand times before.
Who cares if all the music that transpires

Is the fall of grit or dry seeds through a cactus?
You are like a rich man entering heaven
Through the ear of a raindrop. Listen now again.

Seamus Heaney
The Spirit Level

Wade A Minute

Wheelchair-Basketball Players Stunned By Thunderous Slam Dunk


Now, this one totally outclasses the NBA Live 06 Highflyers. Shaq-a-What?

Gooood!

New, Delicious Species Discovered

MANAUS, BRAZIL—An international team of scientists conducting research in the Amazon River Basin announced the discovery of a formerly unknown primate species inhabiting a remote jungle area roughly 300 miles from Manaus Monday. According to scientists in Manaus, the new species, Ateles saporis, is "an amazing biological find" and "incredibly delectable."

A member of Ateles saporis, which scientists say tastes excellent broiled (below).

"We couldn't be more thrilled!" German researcher Dr. Jerome Keller told reporters Tuesday. "Very few scientists are lucky enough to discover a new species, let alone a mammal with a palatability on par with a tender, juicy steak."

"This is a seriously tasty creature," Keller added.

Although the creature resembles a large kitten, as a member of the Ateles genus, it is more closely related to wooly and spider monkeys. Ateles saporis, informally known as the delicacy ape, is a tree-dwelling herbivore that can measure up to a meter from head to tail. The adult delicacy ape weighs between 35 and 40 pounds and tastes wonderful with a currant glaze.

Keller said the new species boasts a gular sac, a distinctive trait that separates it from other species in the Ateles genus.

"The gular sac is a throat pouch that can be inflated, allowing the animal to make loud calls that resonate through the treetops," Keller said. "More importantly, the pouch can be stuffed with nuts or dried fruits prior to roasting."

Biologist Jeanette Bransky, who served as the research team's chief archivist, presented a series of slides showing delicacy apes cavorting in trees, caring for their young, and sitting thinly sliced on a platter next to roasted red potatoes.

"After careful study, we have determined that Ateles saporis is a very insulated species," Bransky said. "All of their food needs are met in the treetops. They're docile, affectionate creatures with a non-competitive social structure. They often sit grooming each other for hours on end, which explains why their meat is so marbled and tender."

This marks the first primate species discovered since the nearly inedible Arunachal macaque was found in India last year.

"In our studies of the delicacy ape, we have noted several traits, such as play activities, that are almost human," Bransky said. "However, the similarities do not run much deeper than that. Take the loin, for example. Unlike a human's, it's so savory and delicate that it can be eaten just like sashimi."

"Raw or cooked, this species is one of the greatest discoveries of the 21st century," added Bransky, licking her lips.

The team plans to research the species for another two months and then publish its findings in both the International Journal Of Primatology and Bon Appétit.

"We still need to complete an accurate population-density study," Keller said. "We assume that their habitat is limited to the Amazon and that their total number is very small. We need to gather data quickly, as the species is almost certainly facing extinction. I mean, it's that good."

Keller said the discovery of the delicacy ape underscores the importance of protecting delicate ecosystems from mass deforestation.

"The Amazon River Basin boasts the greatest biodiversity in the world, with countless potentially tasty species waiting to be discovered," Keller said. "As for the delicacy ape, I only hope there's something we can do to preserve it. Maybe we can get them to breed in captivity. Generations to come should have the opportunity to enjoy the taste of this majestic creature."

from TheOnion.com

Funfrock!

Which poem are you? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot God, you're a BAYAW!. You're not that great, but you don't know if you want to accept that. You appreciate beauty and observe things others may not, but you're also hopelessly impaled on your own foolish romanticism. You like the color reddish-brown and you have a band named Los Chupacabras. Gusto mo DSLiot na connection para mabilis mag-blog.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

TO LIVE BY

Work from the original toward
the beautiful,
unless the latter comes first
in which case
reverse your efforts to find
a model worthy of such
inane desire.

Even the mouth's being
divided into two lips is
not enough to make words
equal themselves.

Eavesdroppers fear
the hermit's soliloquy.

Wake up, wound, the knife said.


Bill Knott
The Unsubscriber

Hamblog!

The article below came out in The Philippine Star yesterday. Very strong anti-blogging statements. Fire away.

-----------------------

Blog sHmlog
STILL TALKING By Enrico Miguel T. Subido
The Philippine STAR 10/07/2005

Only people who keep a blog will ever understand why these things exist. Having read a random blog for the first time only a few days ago, the whole concept of keeping one is still a bit hazy. The fact that some of these blogs are maniacally updated makes me wonder if any of the following are common ailments among bloggers: carpal tunnel syndrome, acute back and neck spasms, or "my-starving-ego-needs-to-be-fedinitis."

Without a doubt, blogs are great because they are free; yet another means to stay in touch with friends without incurring a fee. For those who see other possibilities, blogs are the perfect venue for sharing news and information over common interests. Unknown writers can even be recognized for their skills all because of these on-line journals. Therapeutically, people who write a million words a minute are given some kind of outlet with blogs.

Still, the idea of having an on-line journal anyone can look through is out of my grasp. Just talking to someone about what happened during my day appeals to me more. Besides, it’s physically impossible to share a beer with someone over a blog.

I find it odd that people are comfortable reading about what goes on in other people’s lives. I find it even more odd that people are willing to post their day-to-day transactions on the Internet, the widest database in the world, for everyone to read. I get the sense that there is some double overhead reverse freaky-voyeurism somewhere at play here.

Then again, it may just be that I’m a lethargicon. All the work you put into signing up, registering, uploading and constant updating doesn’t appeal to my lethargic nature. Besides, sitting in front of a computer for more than an hour makes my head hurt. My evasion of blogging could also be the result of this paranoia I have for computers and the vastness of the Internet.

There are, however, some really interesting blogs out there. It took me a while to find some, which, because of my impatience with computers, is probably another reason I will never ever blog. I acknowledge that these are very cool and functional blogs. Still, I must ask this of everyone who has a regularly updated blog: Why?

I really don’t understand the blog logic right now, and I don’t think I ever will. But then again, that’s just me. Onto the blogs:

Jim Lee’s Blog is fun and helpful for anyone interested in comic art, drawing tips and critiques. Famous for his work with Marvel Comics’ X-Men and his creation the Wild C.A.T.S., Jim Lee hosts a mean blog that includes all his other work. It’s fairly easy to navigate through and it’s complemented by a lot of impressive visuals so there’s a lot to be distracted by. Jim Lee is a personal favorite whom I thought I would never hear about again. Thank God for his blog, he once again exists. His artistry lives on in this virtual domain, however far a digital leap it has taken. The first blog is located at http://gelatometti.blogspot.com/, but it has recently moved to the aptly named "Sun of Gelatometti" at http://www.gelatometti2.blogspot.com/. The growth and progression of this blog from small beginnings can be observed within these two websites.

After several attempts at finding another functional blog, the perfect site for guitar aficionados was discovered. Typing in "guitar blogs" on the Google searchbar gave the completely functional and aesthetically laid out Guitar Trader blog. It is an effective site for anyone looking to find a guitar on the net. The blog provides high-resolution images, prices, opinions and any other pieces of helpful information on the guitars up for grabs. Located at the easy-to-remember http://guitar-trader.blogspot.com, this blog is appealing in the "Auto Trader" sort of way.

After typing in "guitar blogs" in Google, I took a chance and typed in "bass guitar blogs," with the hopes of finding information on a nice Fender four-string Jazz bass. Both bass and guitar turned up, but not the way I expected it to. The link directed me to this site, http:/ www.bassfishingweekly.com/bassblog/blog/, which is totally dedicated to bigmouth bass fishing. And playing the guitar while on the boat. The blog advises on the best season to fish for bigmouth bass; which baits and lures the bass are attracted to the most, and how relaxing it is to play the guitar out starboard. It wasn’t the bass I was really looking for, but functional respect indeed. Whoever looks after this blog knows his guitar and his bigmouth bass. And probably sings some bluegrass tunes, besides.

These may be the last three blogs I will ever read in my life. The sifting process through all the other "what-I-did-today" blogs led me to these pretty functional blog spots. The same sifting process has also pointed me in the direction of my comfy bed. Too much time has been spent in front of the computer. Every single blog is the same. I’m tired of computers and blogs. Must sleep.

* * *

E-mail me at enricomiguelsubido@yahoo.com.

Additional Books

More titles, mostly consigned.

Pick-up still strictly on Tuesday, October 11, 2pm Dunkin Donuts, Katipunan.

Thanks!

---------------

1. Morning Poems: Robert Bly – P350
2. An ABC of Witchcraft: Doreen Valiente – P500
3. Poetry, An Introduction: John Strachan – P250
4. Dreamcatcher (HB): Stephen King – P350
5. Where Water Comes Together With Other Water (Poems): Raymond Carver – P350
6. Alipato (Tula/HB): Benilda Santos – P200
7. A Makeshift Sun (Prose and Poems): Gemino Abad – P200
8. Ginseng and Other Tales From Manila (Stories): Marianne Villanueva – P150
9. Buenavista Ventures (Prose and Poetry): Alfrredo Navarro Salanga – P250
10. Love is A Dog From Hell (Poems): Charles Bukowski – P600
11. Movies in the Mind (How to Build A Short Story): Colleen Rae – P400
12. Characters and Viewpoint (Elements of Fiction Writing): Orson Scott Card – P400
13. A Normal Life and Other Stories: Reine Arcache Melvin – P150
14. The Walk (Stories): Joy Dayrit – P200
15. On the Road: Jack Kerouac -- P250

Books 26

New titles, mostly consigned. Some of the books from the previous list
still available, listed below the new list.

Unahan na lang sa comments box ha. Don't text me anymore.
Whoever "orders" first via the comment box gets the book(s).

Pick-up is STRICTLY on Tuesday, October 11, 2pm, Dunkin Katipunan

---------------------

1. Tales of the Unexpected (Stories): Roald Dahl - P400
2. Stranger Shores (Literary Essays): J.M. Coetzee - P500
3. Death and Fame: Last Poems 93-97: Allen Ginsberg - P500
4. Desolation Angels: Jack Kerouac -- P400
5. Midnight's Children: Salman Rushdie - P350
6. News of a Kidnapping (HB) -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez: P500
7. The First Man: Albert Camus - P400
8. The Penguin Historical Atlas of Ancient Rome (Full Color)-- P400
9. Hamlet: Poem Unlimited -- Harold Bloom - P350
10. Evenings and Avenues (Poetry) -- Stuart Duschell - P200
11. Battlestar Galactica* (HB 1978/For Collectors) -- Glen Larson - P800
12. Letters to a Young Poet (1963 Edition) -- Rainier Ma Rilke -- P400
13. How to Draw Anything -- Mark Linley -- P350
14. *Counterfeit Realities (HB/Consigned) Philip K. Dick -- P2,500
15. Welcome to the Monkey House (Stories) -- Kurt Vonnegut --P400
16. *Rare: Episodes of the Revolutionary War -- Che Guevara -- P500
17. Werewolves in Their Youth (Stories) -- Michael Chabon -- P300
18. The House on Mango Street -- Sandra Cisneros -- P250
19. Perido Street Station: China Mieville (Pocketbook/Rare) -- P300
20. Where the Sidewalk Ends (HB) -- Shel Silverstein -- P400
21. *Signed! Men and Cartoons (HB/Stories) -- Jonathan Lethem -- P3,000
22. The Uses of Enchantment-- Bruno Bettelheim -- P250
23. The Martian Chronicles (HB) -- Ray Bradbury -- P500
24. A Brief History of Time -- Stephen Hawking -- P250
25. *The Scar (HB/1st Edition) -- China Mieville -- P3,000
26. My Invented Country (HB) -- Isabel Allende -- P400

-------------
Still available, from previous list, some marked down:

1. Bare Bones: Conversations on Terror with Stephen King -- P400.00
2. Supernatural Horror in Literature by H.P. Lovecraft--P350.00
3. A Galaxy Not So Far Away: Writers/Artists on Star Wars' 25 years (including essays by
Jonathan Lethem, Kevin Smith) -- P450.00
4. Sophie's World: Jostein Gaarder -- P250.00
5. Great Apes: Will Self (HB/SIGNED) -- P800.00
6. Kurt Cobain's Journals (Rare/Oversized) -- P350.00
7. Milan Kundera: Immortality -- P350.00
8. Naguib Mahfouz: The Beggar (Nobel Prize Winner)-- P200.00
9. Michael Moorcock: King of the City (HB) -- P200.00
10. Civilization and its Discontents: Sigmund Freud -- P150.00
11. The Tesseract: Alex Garland (HB/Manila/must-read) -- P450.00
12. Best American Poetry 1996 (Edited by Adrienne Rich) -- P250.00

Allan D 'Man (Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hand)

From The Philippine Star Column Kriptokin:

"Ang galing nitong si Allan. As-tig!" --
Krip Yuson




Congratulations, bayaw/hipag Allan Pastrana for bagging the Maningning Miclat Poetry Award in the English Division. Congratulations na rin kay Joseph Saguid (Filipino Division) at kina E.J. Galang, Ayer Arguelles, Cathy Candano, at Sonny Sendon (honorable Mention).

Here's a poem from Allan's award-winning collection, Before Talkies:

Rib

As far as I know,
the legend happened in a split-second.
God wanted to come out clean, fleeing
the marked spot like a curious riddle. So the first man
was put to sleep: the first real get-away, instant
and painless. Whenever we reach that part of the story
where the rib juts out from his side, you wonder
if it is merely bone. But then you start to believe
it is also keepsake, fine heirloom – a loneliness
finally coming out like a splinter.

Do you get the whole picture? No,
this is neither Michelangelo nor the 1500s; none
of that smoothness in stepping out of a body,
that light walled in and stucco-perfect. These
are difficult times and what we imagine
we have created (out of loam, bamboo splitting in two,
the primordial being) is pure coincidence.

We are always caught in the middle of something, various
emergencies. You only have to name things
to be able to claim them. An event of eyes and hands, meeting,
means that the pedestrian crossing the street
is mine. Also this stranger beside me, rapt in a motel room
at three in the morning, the head resting on my arm, more
like an enjambment than a complete and irreversible thought.
Do you know what the Paradise stands for? It is hunger,
hunger and the pit, deep end of something else
that is a spacious cavity – that which keeps track
and, ever after, holds. Someone eventually
has to step into the clearing; the found other still
as a portrait, as if startled by a wild animal.
The rest of us just clamber up our beds because patience
does not wait on anybody. It is simply stubbornness,
slow yet seeks to get even. It so happened:

Beneath that thick hide of the plot, we came across
the last of the fruit-bearing trees. And we stood there
gaping, the way we wanted to take in everything –
whole lives, this bright field, stars. This
is the only kind of pardon we may have deserved,
to keep the indentions of the natural world inside us
without regret: and that one bite, finally,
that offers no explanation but,
this time around, foolish and alone, we’ll fall in love.

Calling All Young Poets of the Philippines Writing in English

This call for manuscripts came from KuwabataKen:

The editors of a forthcoming anthology would like to request your participation. The book will serve as a peek into and a celebration of the future of Philippine Poetry in English. Dr. Cirilo Bautista will be editing the project with the assistance of Ken T. Ishikawa.

If you are 35 years old and below, a Filipino, and a writer of Poetry in English please send five of your best representative work to newphilippinepoetry@gmail.com. Young poets who have not yet published any books are highly encouraged to send their works.

Please send each of your poems in a single file; don't put all five in one. Don't forget to include short biographical information with a scanned 1x1 photo as your profile will appear in the list of contributors. The deadline will be on November 15, 2005.

Honorarium will come in the form of a contributor's copy. Authors of accepted works will be receiving a reply in their mail.

Feel free to send us your comments and suggestions. We are looking forward to your poems.

The Editors

ANG KaBAYAWan: Isang Paglilinaw

Mga prends, bago ang lahat...

News Flash!!! Forces of Evil/Bayaw/Las Chupacabras!

Bumili naman kayo ng Manila Bulletin ngayon (Sabado, October 1). An article by Karl De Mesa about our name-morphing band came out in the I section.

Wasak!

----------------------------------


Speaking of which, I was at the UP Press Mega Launch yesterday and Neil Garcia told me he got a text that posits something to the effect that I've started an exclusive Anti-Gay movement for Filipino male writers called "Bayaw".

Hala. Kala ko nagbibiro lang s'ya pero apparently, may kung sino d'yan na 'di nakakaintindi sa ibig sabihin ng BAYAW. Para magkalinawan at 'di kumalat ang mga maling akala, heto ang mga basic tenets ng pagiging isang bayaw.

1. Unang-una, ang salitang "bayaw" ay nagsimula sa pagpansin ng barkada (minsan, sa isang mahaba-haang inuman sa '70s Bistro, kasama si Easy at Carljoe) sa mga tipikal na lalaking pinoy na laging nakatambay sa kanto at umiinom ng bilog. 'Yun bang mga laging nakasandong puti na na nakalilis para ibandera ang mga bundat at Latigo 50-deprived na tiyan? "Yung mga nakaupo sa tabing kalsada at minsan may tato pa ng agila sa dibdib? May kaha ng sigarilyo sa nakaipit na parang shoulder pad sa loob ng sando? O kaya'y naka pulseras na itim (na kung tawagin sa amin sa probinsiya'y Black Sabbath) ? 'Yung mga nagsesenti sa bidyoke pag tumugtog na ang "My Way" at "Father and Son?"

Sila ang tinutukoy dito. At kadalasan ay MAGBABAYAW sila.

Para kasing hindi bagay na tawagin silang Jologs dahil matatanda na sila at 'di naman sila fashion-challenged. Buong-buo nga loob nila sa kanilang prinsipyo at pananamit.

BAYAW is not a derogatory term. Isang magandang halimbawa ay ang aking Tatay. Noong araw, laging 'yung nakatambay sa tabi ng haywey sa baryo namin sa Silang. Nakalilis ang damit. Barkada ang mga konduktor ng bus. Nagyoyosi ng Hope at Champion.

Nitong nakaraang huwebes lang, bumisita sa akin sa Miriam. May dala-dalang isang kaing na rambutan. 'Nung makita ko, may nakasukbit na shorpet sa baywang, naka Le Tigre na polo shirt, at biglang tropa na sila ng sikyo. Kesyo nakapunta na raw sa aming baryo 'yung sikyo nga at kilala daw si Mang Indeng na taga-bayan.

Pa'no ba nagagawa 'yung ganoong pakikisama? Bigla na lang magkaibigan na sila ni manong guard. At eto na nga ang mas nakakatuwang kahulugan ng katagang Bayaw, na:

2. Literal man, KAPATID NG ASAWA MO ang bayaw mo o asawa ng kapatid mo. Mahalagang ipasok ito sa konsepto ng samahan o pagkakaibigan. Sa mga barkada ngayon, bayaw ang tawagan namin dahil naging simbolo na ito ng malalim na samahan--na para ngang may respeto na higit pa sa simpleng barkadahan, dahil nga "bayaw" mo. Kapag babaeng kaibigan, hipag naman ang tawag. Ganun ang respetuhan.

3. AT dahil nga may nalalabuan, walang anything against homosexuals ang bayaw. Kahit mukhang nakakahon sa pangkalalakihan ang bayaw, hindi ito politikal na salita laban sa ibang gender. SUS, WAG N'YO SERYOSOHIN. 'DI NAKA-DEXTROSE ANG SALITANG BAYAW.

Makitid na pag-iisip 'yan. Marami akong kaibigang bading at alam nilang tongue-in-cheek lang ang kabayawan. Kung baga, kung hipag ang tawag, eh di hipag. Kung bayaw, bayaw. Ang punto eh, paghanga at pagkakaibigan ang pinapahalagahan ng konseptong BAYAW.

4. To sum it up, the term is meant to be IRONIC when it comes to Filipino machismo. It pokes fun at the sensibilities and culture of the stereotyped Filipino male.

Walang panggagaya dito. Pagpansin lang at pagbibigay ng bagong kahulugan sa mga

BAYAW!!!